I Forgot What I am Supposed to Learn When I Feel Lost
I have been feeling very lost lately. It is a mental place I have been several times before, when I get too deep into bad daily habits relating to eating, sleeping, working. But even though it is familiar territory, this time I panicked. And when you panic, you can't think in solutions, you can't think ahead, you can't always remember what you know. You just tread water, intently focused on not sinking completely below the surface.
The hundreds of little extra jobs and questions and projects and side things that come sneeking in right before every goes off on summer holiday; the social commitments that follow along with the kids' school, birthdays, hosting my beloved brother's wedding; the stress of winding down one business (thus having to say 'no thanks' ALOT) while building up a new one (I have never been great at splitting my focus, or splitting myself); taking on too much which leads to miscommunication with the kids, with my husband, with business relations or friends; all of it seemed all-consuming and all-important. Like if I can't make THAT work, what am I even doing here? Am I of any use to anyone? Do I even have a right to be here??
But of course I do... We all do!!
Because I have been here before, I KNOW from experience that what happens after this place is that I know myself better. What happens is that I get even closer to who I want to be, and how I want to spend my life and my days on this earth.
But in my panic I forgot about that. I forgot that my deepest holes have been my greatest learning experiences and that my biggest most authentic leaps forward in my life has come as I was clawing my way out of those holes.
And the stupidest thing about all of this? All it took... ALL IT TOOK to yank myself out of my panic was that one night, a few days ago, I went to bed at 8.30 instead of 11.
Those 2-3 hours meant that I didn't spend all evening stuffing my face with crap. That little bit of extra sleep meant that when I woke the kids were still asleep and, instead of going straight from bed to the desk and turning on the computer, I splashed some water in my face. I did 20 power squats and a 30 second plank on the bathroom floor. I drank a big glass of water. I grabbed the dog leash and walked down to our beach with Molly. It was storming. And the tiny salt drops from the waves rolling in and splashing up in the air made my jeans all sticky. And I laid down on my back sheltered from the wind by the tall golden grass with Molly by my side and looked up at the pure blue sky and the seagulls slowly drifting by one by one.
And it was like a magic pill. Now I have the energy to keep building more good stuff, more positive habits, more inspired thoughts and plans back on top.
I am by nature an all or nothing kind of person. I go ALL IN on the things I commit to. I do things RIGHT or I don't do them at all. So I have the very bad habit of thinking BIG alot of the time. Like things/decisions/actions won't count unless I do ALL of them right and all at the same time. So I forget that even the tiniest things sometimes have a huge impact.
If you have any great experience with super simple acts or practices or habits that help pull you out of your mental dark holes or loops, I would love for you to share them in the comments, so we can all help eachother out.